Rambling

I want a coin operated boy.
I love Amanda Palmer.
What happened to the Dresden Dolls?
This blog was for transliness, but that died considering nothing has been happening on that front. At all.
I've been writing.
Sleeping.
Dreaming.
Sleeping.
Eating.
Sleeping.
Stalking AFI via internet.
Sleeping.
Did I mention I've been sleeping?
I'm doing a lot of that.
I'm trying to be more transopen.
Anything dealing with being "trans" will have the word next to it.
Transsport.
Like so.
Or transdance.
Yes.
I'm random at the moment.
I need sleep.
It's bloody hot in here.
Bloody.
Hot.
In.
Here.
It was 103 degrees F here the other day.
New Jersey shouldn't be that hot.
I'm not sure the purpose of this blog.
At all.
Really.
It's turning out to be anything I'm thinking at the moment.
I don't like youtube.
Or myspace 2.0
I think everyone should kill Tom The Myspace man for fucking it up.
Honestly.
Braces free!
I'm slowly becoming vegan.
Nova died.
I swear.
She isn't answering me.
At all.
It's annoying.
I want to talk to Kar-lee.
I want to hang out with Chelsea.
I want to hand out with Vlady.
I need to read a shit load of books.
I need to do a shit load of homework.
It's summer, I know.
-_-
Damn AP classes and their mounds of homework before school starts.
Aussie and NZ came and went quickly.
I need my hair cut and dyed red.
Red tips, that is.
Will that happen?
Probably not.
I've successfully wasted a shit load of time.
I hate twitter yet I use it.
Okay.
I'm sweating.
Sweating is one of the grossest bodily functions.
Ever.
I'm stopping this blog.
Now.

K|

Der Aussicht von Rande der die Feuer ist schön.

A silent song they could not hear had played
For them as they danced to the cries of death.
And who would have thought that the sun had died
In the wake of the day? Fire caressed
Every soul beyond the forest. Ash
Fell from the Heavens onto the couple
Who laughed, and played, and danced and sang in harsh
Heat. She dragged him down when she fell, and what
Could they have seen? The sky had opened black
For only them to see, and angels burned,
Their wings becoming cinders. To attack
A fallen angel is to sin. He turned
His back on lovers who would not tire,
So He took their wings within His fire.

April Twenty-first

Fact: I do not like the colour red.
Fact: I hate pens because I tend to make a lot of mistakes.
So why name it RiEnDk? Simple: It was dark at night when I was writing and this was the only utensil I could find at the moment. Karma? No, I am Karma. I’m the Karma Police. I have my glasses in a Guess case, and it’s not mine. I hate Guess, but the other case broke. It was cheap. Obviously this one isn’t. I’ve been getting called Captain Obvious too much for my tastes, but the reason i state it is due to the fact there isn’t anything else to say. I always end up stuck with it. I should just change my name to Captain Obvious _______. Hah! I’d be COW. That’s great. I hate when people say, “is because,” or, “are because.” To me it doesn’t sound pretty at all. Then I overuse other phrases until that is forced upon me. Have you ever had a dog that licked your foot?
How about through a sock? Doesn’t feel pleasant, does it?
I stared off into space at a girl’s grey sweatshirt and thought the flowers on it were eyes. I woke up from this when something whispered, “Doctor,” in my ear. I don’t understand irrational fears. Okay, okay, being afraid of the silence & dark seem irrational, but I have my reasons.
Excuses, excuses.
Shut up. And clowns and dolls, my fears do not come without reason. But what about the people scared of heights, birds, spiders, rats, etc? I don’t understand the fear without reason. Where’s the reason behind a fear of bugs? They’re easy to kill with your hands, so why be afraid?
I’m afraid of bees because I was stung by 5 as a small child.
I’m afraid of the dark & silence because I see people and they talk to me.
I’m afraid of clowns because one pet me.

I’m afraid of dolls because one pushed a lamp onto my head.
When I imagine things, it’s in cartoon. I want to skydive & look like a fried egg on the ground. On the bus, the girl next to me made the whole heated bus smell like the boy’s bathroom. Why do people walk so slowly? It’s not that I have anywhere to go, really, I just can’t stand the slow people. Or clay pots. Spray tans & tanning beds in the dead of winter do not look “good” or “hot.” They look unnatural. Tanning isn’t good for you, either. What’s the point of wasting money on that crap? YOU. DO NOT. LOOK. GOOD. It makes me want to line them up and shoot them like glass bottles.
Gym seemed interesting. I forgot my pants. I walked out in skin tight, pinstriped jeans & RD didn’t notice. People ran today and G. Willikers was almost too girly to run. Star turned to me and glared. I meant it, no offence. Then the Turtle ran, and Turtle ran like this for serious. Cancer as a child, arthritis or something. Apparently Pantera had a dream about looking for a house and Gandalf or w/e from LOTR (which I hate) told him that the only way to get a house is to find a midget w/ no arms. I said that I should just chop my arms off and tell him he could get his house now.
I have a plan to kill the ignorant people. I haven’t gotten too far, but it seems like a good idea. First, you shoot the people. Then, burn them and render the fat. Use the fat to make soap. (consult Fight Club for the how to) Give the soap to third world countries. Start using dead bodies for energy. I think I care more about everything else rather than people or my country. Then again, I think everyone’s screwed/
I don’t think there’s a point to life. If we’re just some planet created randomly, and spontaneous gasses formed molecules and started life (pardon my horrid bio skills & memory), there isn’t a point. People still search for it & mask the truth with religion. I hate organized religion, but I honor you if you believe. I can’t, myself. I’m fickle, as it were.
A parallelogram has two children with another parallelogram.
A rectangle and rhombus are the kids, who have kids.
Their child is a square.

I’m imagining Pink Ladies in their 80’s having tea when hamsters w/ machine guns and grenades come in and start killing them.   They’re screaming. Then rabid monkeys fly in and rip their heads off.   This is in the middle of the jungle. Then the kids from Golding’s Lord of the Flies come in, chasing a boar, and eat the carnage. The hamsters prevail, build a rocket and colonize the moon. The cows come with weapons and it’s universal space warfare. Humans were killed by Mexican penguins.
I’m close to stabbing the girls behind me. They won’t SHUT UP! I want to stab their throats with a needle, inject gasoline & light them up.
Apparently PM was looking at my chest, says Crinky. I felt like slapping PM, but I decided not to. No need to cause a fuss. I also felt like beating PM over the head w/ a baseball bat, but there aren’t any in the room. I would have to had use a chair. Oh well. PM just reminded me of a mechanical monkey. It was odd. I almost want to rip of Las Vegas’s fingers, all seven of them. Vegas’ll be among the first ignoramuses to be shot, burned & rendered into fat for the third world countries. Maybe I’ll give Vegas to lesbians. That would be funny. I just watched the clock turn into a stick figure with a top hat & cane. it stabbed PM in the eye. I laughed.

I want to do a Can-Can or Russian thing.
I walked into my bots’ closet the other day looking for the ¡Venganza! vest, and I was looking in the boxes on the top when I stopped. I found a clear dildo. Apparently, it was water based. I left the closet shortly afterwards. I told G. Willikers this & Gangsta (G.) had a plan. G. said to make a note on it saying, “This is for you, Tom. From: Luverboi xoxo <3” and place it on the toilet in the men’s bathroom in the mall. G. also said to clean the finger prints off in the toilet. We’d use the soap from the dispensers. Rinse cycle would be flushing. Dry cycle would be the hand-dryers. Washing would make a WOSHA WOSHA sound. Somehow an old lady & man will be in  there. The lady will insist it’s someone falling in. The man will insist it’s a dildo. A third person will insist it’s both & a couple having sex. Or an old man will ask if everything is okay. G. or I will insist it is. Wosha wosha. He will be freaked after 5 minutes, get a mall cop, & he will say, “Come out, dildo in hand. Only dildo’s make that noise!”
Jewboy showed Penguin their underwear. Sexual harassment anyone?
The boy in the wheelchair just wheeled along…
Everything was spoken in French. I hardly know French, but the class was speaking it for a few seconds. They hardly know French, too.
We have to write a story if we’re in the Deep South during the Great Depression. I hate historical fiction. I really do. I’m going to get horrible people in my group. 2 is not a pretty #. Yep. I was stuck with halfway brain-dead, pot smoking fools. Once again.
I’m going to get a failing grade because no one in this group cares. A C+ is amazing to them. It’s punishment to me. Two worlds collide in class and I can’t understand them. Stupidity is accepted and smarts thrown away. Lovely world. Lovely.
I’m trembling again. I just yelled at an ignorant kid & fought with a friend about gay rights. I’m so annoyed at people. I want to walk out. But I won’t. I’m pretending. An actor in a never ending film. I want the film to end or the other parts canceled. Crinky is very two-faced. I will talk about that later…maybe.

I still love Pablo. Almost a year, and I still do. It was an imprint on my mind, like a brand.

People are people                             You and I should get along
                             So why should it be
                                                                                                  So awfully?

April Twentieth

I have decided that I’m going to start a little thing called Red Ink, but it will be spelt RiEnDk to avoid confusion with other things. This is going to be me throughout the day writing down whatever pops into my head. It will all be in red ink. Submission one.

It’s 2AM. I Just watched Boys Don’t Cry & it started a train of thought that can’t be stopped. I cried for my situation for the first time in months. When was the last time I saw Psychobabble? I can’t even remember any more. I just stopped trying to. My bots ignore the facts & it drives me insane. I keep telling myself that it will all be okay in time, but I keep feeling like it will never happen. I keep these things to myself. I haven’t spoken to Star in a while. For some reason I still see myself as the self conscious  follower I know I am. I don’t want to be, but I can’t be anything more with this name, life, body. I want to be stronger, but I can’t. And they all take it as a joke. I could be serious with them, but they will still be the teenagers I wish they weren’t. I wish I could be this bad ass kid and stick up for myself, but the truth is I will never be. I wasn’t given the change to be anything but this. HIM is mad lucky. I also think my bots could listen to me for once instead and swallow their pride for once & not cover up their feelings & do what I know is best for me. They say they’re trying, but I can’t believe it. It’s all phony. Lies, lies, lies, blah, blah, blah. Before I took out this notebook, I was thinking of selling my books, start saving money. I wanted to climb out the window and leave. Reality caught up with me, obviously. I want my binder. I think my bots sabotaged the package. I’ll get my 55$ back & leave. I’ll steal it back if I don’t get that thing. It’s been months. I haven’t said anything to them because I’m afraid to. I don’t want to start anything. I don’t need that. I don’t want that. The other night, in YN, I was reading and bot1 turned to me and asked if I still wanted to be a boy. Not wanting to start something because it was late for bot1, I dismissed the question. Our fighting will never subside. I feel bad for my mex & bot2 for there is nothing they can do to stop it. Funny. The T would confuse mex. Mex still thinks being gay is bad, what would mex think of me? It’s why I want to leave & never look back. This “family” is falling apart. It’s not as bad as some, but I’ve said before: a man cannot know another man’s suffering without suffering what he felt. Try as we might, we can only guess within a shadow. I want to go to Under as Kyan. I want to go as a he & I want to go with ZJ because I couldn’t do it alone. I’m so weak. I blame my bot2 for the situation I’m in with bot2. If bot2 could shut up for ten minutes and keep things to them self. Sometimes bot2 makes me ill. Physically. I’m supposed to be asleep. I was supposed to make a shirt for DoS but I don’t really care any more. (this is where pictures come in to aid you)
I keep staring at the ceiling
And I clockwatch the hours fall.
Ideas of a home & home lost
A latter falling through a window.

I say, “Are you feelin’ me?”                  

The stars pass by the street.
Nothing is all I own.
Night air breathes for me. 
Streetlamps become the stars

I say, “Are you feelin’ me?”

Passing fantasies drive by bullet.
Smokes and bottles lace the cars.
I wonder if my life is starting.
Clock work I leave the city.

I say, “Are you feelin’ me?”

Running from those demons, eh?
Your mother never told you, yeah?
Demons are as real as day.
Spit to the right & come with him.

I SAY, “ARE YOU FEELIN’ ME?”
visual aid

Why is writing in red pen so wrong? I never understood that. If I try, maybe I can sleep for three hours.

I’m more deranged then I lead on.
Dekay’s the only one who knows.
You think I’m telling you?
Chyeah, right.

He’d love to, oh well, mind your head.

Sometimes I forget that I’m alive. Other times I question reality. I think that nothing is real. I almost thought that everything was my creation and everything is in my head. I forget reality. Right now, nothing is real. Maybe my hand is a bird and it’s all chicken skratch. It takes a person walking by for me to realize things are real.
I’m sorry. I’m bad at describing this.                      My hand is a bird.
Go on. You’re going well.                                     My pen is the beak.
That’s all I had to say. Sorry.                                Everything is chickin sktrach.
Oh. It’s okay.                                         CHIKIN SKRACH
It’s your job to say that.

Heroes.
SUVS. LIARS.
CIA.
DEMOCRACY.
LIARS.

Beware the jubjub bird with eyes aflame.
THE JABERWOCK.
and with its head he went galumping back.
JABERWOCKY.
^depressing Dr. Seuss

Days of our lives. 1,75$

Snarky is a word, jingle.

DRIVING.
BUYING.
LIARS.

Lucas is _________________
Moor. moot. moo. cow. Lana. Nebraska. Hicks.
sleep. tired. rest. stop. cars. red. cops. democracy. liars. movies. zeus. greek. odysseus. greek. egypt. pharaoh. yu-gi-oh. STOP
I’m scared of the dark & silence so I play music to ignore it. I want to fill these pages with nothings.

Carry me to sleep.
visual aid

(school)

It goes in one ear & right out the other. They say the devil is my pal. I remember TTT told me to stare at a white board in my head. I think TTT said to gradually fill the room, or I’m mixing memories again. Apparently staring at it in my head will help me sleep or meditate or something. Mrs. Face would look pretty, but it’s Mrs. Face’s face. It’s wither the face of the body. The tube of red ink looks like a vile of blood…not red enough, though. Like a dying person. Anemic. The can feel the ball when I draw on myself. Do you know the enemy? Know your enemy.   The trees are supposed to have white flowers, but they’re sea-foam green against the grey sky. Its almost as if they’re glowing in the dark. Celebrate good times, come on! Village People, Ellen, lesbian, Shane. The dog eats the chicken in the morning.   When girls are… it reminds me of picking a nose or treasure hunting. Maybe if someone could crawl though it would be a magic land with forests, pixies, sunshine & girliness. Like the Fitzwilliam on the Big Gay Sketch Show who wants to go to Vaginaland. In gym class I wanted to roll around and spin on my head. I decided not to and look sane. Mr. PM’s head looks like a purple smurf.  Mr. PM the hickey. I feel like being obnoxious, but I don’t feel like pissing people out. Hm… It’s all in my head (no really it is). Nasal is a nose singing corn like…badly. It drives me insane. Not swearing is harder than it appears. It’s an addiction of the voice. I felt like tromping around the class as if I were upon a horse, Sleepy Hollow style (go to 1:01). I think that speakers said, “Willy Wang.” I laughed. I want to take my shirt off. It’s too hot in here for me. Why aren’t girls allowed their shirts off like men? It’s the same thing inflated. I had the urge to dance like I had spasms, The short guy, ‘roid droid, my theory is right before he hit puberty, the shoved ‘rouds up his ass. I should photocopy my ass and the willy. If there was a way to take drugs without any risks for anything, be it health, mentality, gateways, addictions, anything, I would do it to know the effects. Sometimes I have conversations in my head of the future. If I said this, they would reply exactly that way. If that happened, would I be God? And when i have the convos. I always mention it’s in my head, and sometimes it’s hard to believe myself. If I repeat myself, don’t mind it. According to Star, I have the memory of a goldfish. So, sorry in advance.
That’s okay. I don’t judge.
I say that, too. But it’s a lie. We’re all hypocrites. It’s part of the human condition. We say we don’t sin & we want to be closer to God, but we go against ourselves. Liars are nothing more than hypocrites, it’s just different words. I think I just reminded myself of the psycho in Se7en. I could start my own religion where you can worship whatever. It won’t be organized. There won’t be books. There will only be a few rules:
1.Love & be loved by all.
2. Bring peace with you.
3. Do not force your religion onto others.
4. Have tolerance for others.
5. Abide by local laws.
6. Do not kill for any reason.
7. Understand with open arms.
Utopia?
Live. In. Head. I forgot reality again. I’m still not back. I just decoded my thoughts. I had written   and I figured it out. Soon. People need to stop calling me Vicki. Now more than ever they are and I have no idea why. But they won’t take my feelings into consideration because their own. Swallow it! SWALLOW IT! I was trembling this morning. I’m a tremblin’ again. My security was breeched because I left this open. Of course I leave it open for someone to read, but it’s violated. My life is an open book now, open with blood for all to see. I knew it would happen. But the line read…The line. I didn’t really think anyone would read it. I honestly didn’t. It’s different when I share it on purpose, but…it’s stealing. Mrs. Sloopy stole my mind, a part of it. Will Mrs. Sloopy understand? I feel naked again. What makes something right or wrong? Polite or impolite? It all seems so trivial to me. The bus smells like a glue bottle. My pants look like a retro video game. I’m going to make a code for people. I don’t need people figuring me out. I like to remember things from the day and make things more fun with conversation. I don’t like going to far for fear of freighting people away. The irony: I feel awkward after I’m accepted.

I will                             A need to see
       Swallow your fear
                                       All the bite marks impress a need to be here.

DoS

I would be participating, but I’m not in school. I’m on spring break. It was conveniently placed on DoS. Of course it was.

On Monday, I plan on wearing a shirt I’m making with this design. It may or may not be more complicated, but the message is still the same.

Stand up for those who stood down.

My meaning for this: Standing up the way the ones who stood around and watched these things happen didn’t. Making a difference where they severely lacked.

On Monday, I will also be silent and stand the length of the day. I may or may not be alone in this. Toni, now Nova, she says she can’t possibly be quiet. I’m shocked. It annoys me. We also plan on starting that GSA right after we get back, obviously the day after DoS. I haven’t updated for I’ve had nothing to say.

I believe my binder was taken and disposed of. Sabotage from the parents. I want to go back to therapy to talk about my plans.

I want to cd during a trip I’m going on.
I want to start cding in school next year.
I want to talk to my therapist about this.
I haven’t had the guts to talk to my parents because it hasn’t been the right time.
I need that time to come soon.

K|

Therapy is a bitch NO MORE!

Well, Toni went and she’s have a splendid time. Of course, SHE’S getting better help than I because I “don’t know who I am yet.” *rolls eyes* Of course, I wasn’t told this, but still! I’m just not open with people because I still have this odd fear of getting jumped. O.o

But anyway! I went and I told her what I thought of her little “"male female spectrum” thing, and we put an emotion to an object, instead of the other way around. She got confused, it was funny. But it went a lot better this past time because I amazed her with my memory skills (which I have none of), but I thought that was pretty funny. I find a lot of things funny. But we talked about Sleepy Hallow, Egypt, windmills, trees, drums, music, photography, distractions, and after a whole bunch of stuff, tranny stuff! WOOH! lol. That’s where my uncanny ability to have my youngest memory at 5 or something and it being tranny related. O.o It’s true, though. So, now I get to have a war with my parents about how I need T because my mother and father are so anti hormones it’s annoying. Father being a doctor, I get that, but hopefully I can wheedle my way into getting them by the end of these appointments. :) And she also likes the fact I decided not to be stupid and get T off the street and talked to her instead. I was like, “Well, no shit. I’m not an idiot.”

Anyway, I know what I’m bringing for next week. Yes, I have what I want to bring planned.

See, I used to keep a journal of my daily shit and emotions called Davey. My middle name will be David. Hence the RxD (Rian David). I’m not sure why I chose Davey, and I always felt like it was talking back to me and was this very guyish type speak. Like, it made me sound like a priss. And eventually, if you were to read through it, my language would get more like his. And I remember being frustrated I couldn’t draw him. I like to draw little cartoony people. And it was driving me up the wall because I couldn’t give him a face because he felt close and real. (I sound like a crazy) And one day, I figured out why. Davey and I are one. He is me. I was like WHOA! So, I found out my inner self was slowly wheedling its way out. I’m glad it did. :)

ANYWAY, inside this journal (which I now hold no emotional attachment to due to the fact I figured it out) I drew these two pictures and I’m bringing them to therapy because they’re very…interesting.

And you, you very lucky reader, get to see them: (due to the fact every single page I wrote on has been torn and burned, these are the shitty ass photos I have. You can’t read the writing, and I don’t remember the words.)
   Fun, right?

That’s all I have for now.

RxD

Winter Wonderland

DUDE! It SNOWED! IT FINALLY SNOWED HERE!

Today went great. Like, it was amazing. For the first time in maybe a year I was truly happy. Let’s see, today was just very relaxing because usually I’m freaking about something, but not today. I didn’t freak at all. I had my Mini Mosses and that was all I needed. XD No, I’m not religious, but it was funny anyway. And I just went from class to class without a second glance or care in the world.

Now I know why people like happiness so much. And then the snow came down and it sealed the deal with a 90 minute delay tomorrow. It was just a beautiful and happy day. I enjoyed it.

I know things are going to get dark again, but I needed to savour it. Like chocolate.

And for some reason, it gave me an idea.

Before us the road of Fate
Draws to a never ending close.
And we walk the darkened path
With our heads bowed in silence.

Wind howls with the anguish
Of a thousand broken homes.
We look to each other with fear
And pray that we would never join them.

The longest night approaches
With lingering sadness and despair.
We plummet through the void in space
And hope we land back on our feet.

Soon we’re back on our path
As rain beats down above.
We try to shelter ourselves
But this is to no avail.

Beyond our line of vision
Shadows fade into the light.
We’re presented with a choice,
A fork in the long and narrow road.

We walk towards the sunlight
While the moon rises behind us.
As we follow the path we realize,
That we had reached a grove.

As we rest our weary minds,
The snow falls from Heaven.
We sigh as our breath freezes,
And we can finally rest.

That wasn’t really meant to sound great, but I felt the need.

RxD

Therapy is a bitch 2!

Yes, there’s a two!

Woohoo!

not.

Anyway, I finally went to see this other one, and she asked me annoying questions:
”Who are you?”, “What is sex?” and “What is male and female?”
And then she drew something like this: and asked me to place where I was. Well, actually, the male and female were reversed. And since my whole view of what is male and female is completely skewed, it got me aggravated, but I went along with it anyway.
My reason for aggravation?

Donnie Darko.
No, I’m serious.
Donnie Darko. As in, the movie. Silly, right?

Well, I was thinking about the point in the movie where the class is asked to put a line on the feeling spectrum of Love and Fear to match the card they got. I sort of felt like this when she asked me to place me. And she asked to give some stereotypical traits to male and female. Which seemed damn near impossible. What does this have to do with Donnie, you ask?
WELL…

I believe male and female cannot be lumped together in such a spectrum because stereotypes show very little thought. The way Donnie felt emotions couldn’t be. They lump everything together, right or wrong. True or false. And I have a problem with this. Male and female are sexes, not genders. And my SEX is not my GENDER. Sex is your organs and what not, gender is what you feel you are. Traits are pointless because not all guys like football and not all girls like makeup. Not all guys are assholes and not all girls are whores. See where I’m going? Not all guys have short hair and not all girls long. And this is my problem. And she wants to help me figure out me in this way. It’s like, “Okay, describe yourself with objects, colours, actions and stereotypes.”
”I am the colour blue. I like this. I do this.” Likes, dislikes and things you do ARE NOT YOU. We are all of the emotions that make up ourselves. Our personality, I guess. And due to the fact not all men like this and not all men like that and not all women like this and that, it seems pointless to even try this exercise because male and female gender-wise is a feeling, an emotion and not words. Unless you’ve come up with words for this, I stand corrected. So, therefore, for me to do this was extremely pointless, yet necessary to “find out who I am.” I believe this to be absurd. I know who I am, and do not need help figuring out what I already know. I’ve denied, yes, but now I am aware. And being aware of ones emotions is something not many people can do. Being aware consciously of who exactly you are, is tough. And with all of the emotions involved, I have come to the complete and total conclusion that I am male gender-wise. Sex-wise, not a chance. But due to the fact I see gender as an emotion and not a scientific fact, nor a bunch of objects and actions on a line, I can’t do that. You may have different views, that’s fine. But, I felt I needed to rant a little bit on the fact that I think gender is not sex.

THAT is why I cannot answer male and female because she meant gender. If she meant sex, I could say, “Yeah. Male is a being that has a male reproductive organ and females are the ones with female reproductive organs who usually give birth. Unless you’re a seahorse or another animal that does that.”

But, since it was gender, I found it troubling and difficult.

Now for what the dictionary says:

Websters: sex - 1: either of the two major forms of individuals that occur in many species and that are distinguished respectively as female or male especially on the basis of their reproductive organs and structures2: the sum of the structural, functional, and behavioral characteristics of organisms that are involved in reproduction marked by the union of gametes and that distinguish males and females
gender - the behavioral, cultural, or psychological traits typically associated with one sex.

Onto the next:

Dictionary: sex -

1.
either the male or female division of a species, esp. as differentiated with reference to the reproductive functions.

2.
the sum of the structural and functional differences by which the male and female are distinguished, or the phenomena or behavior dependent on these differences.

gender -

1. The condition of being female or male; sex.
2. Females or males considered as a group: expressions used by one gender.

Sexual identity, especially in relation to society or culture.

1. The condition of being female or male; sex.
2. Females or males considered as a group: expressions used by one gender.

And the last:

Urban-dictionary (okay, I know this one is bit unorthodox, but can you blame me?):
sex (took a while to find…-_-) -

1. Females or Males considered as a group, known as gender.
gender - your mode of self-reflection or ID dealing with how you see yourself (or don't see yourself) in terms of your sex.

there are two sexes, but countless genders.

2. A societal construct that is, in actuality, about as useless and restrictive as race.

There may be unfathomable, uncrossable chasm that exist between certain types of people, but gender should not be considered one of them.

3. How one defines themselves with clothes, pronouns, how they carry themselves, etc (i.e. male, female, androgynous, etc). Different from sex- ex: a person may be born female (sex) but identify as male (gender), though for many, sex and gender are synonymous.

"I prefer female pronouns such as 'she' and 'her', because female is my gender." Or "My gender is androgynous, though my sex is male."

Here and mine, here are others. You may not agree with any. You may agree with all. What’re your thoughts?

These were mine.

 

RxD

Therapy is a bitch

Well, after narrowing down 50 different therapists…I found NONE.

NONE!!!

I mean, wtf?! I do have an appointment with someone, but no insurance. Woohoo. NOT

God, I hate insurance policies sometimes.

grr.

 

RxD